How I found my voice again and you can too

It has been 4 years since I wrote. Apart from posting pictures on Facebook, there was nothing I was sharing. Initially I thought why share on social media, but I was not writing either. I realized I was not voicing my opinions on the things that felt unfair or angered me. Off-late, something has clicked. I analyzed why I drowned out my voice.

Society has changed, the world now lives in fear of writing/posting/video-taping against any crisis or political party. Voicing your opinion makes you an activist/feminist/anti-national and not just a person angered/ affected by what is happening in the world/ country.

As a woman it is worse. You are expected to listen, not interrupt, speak only when allowed.  After a while I thought, "why voice things when I cannot change it". But I realize this is wrong, in today's digital world, a post/a video/a tweet has the ability to cause shifts in conversations, in mentality/mindset. Physically you might not be able to help, but ideas/words have always shaped society for eons.

There are so many things that I feel upset about. Beginning from the lack of proper water storage in Chennai to rapes of 9 month old babies and of young children being separated from their parents in the Mexican Border.
Imagine those children, scared, hungry and alone. An adult cannot handle these, yet the world watches as children are subject to such abuse. All because their parents felt there was a better place they could survive.

I am not happy with the way things are shaping up in the present world. I teach my kid empathy, but the fear looms that the world is turning harsher by the day.

I now know, I have a voice. I have a responsibility to change what I don't like. I may be wrong, but I may be right and that's what matters. I found my voice again and I will not let it go.

I am of the belief, it is OK to voice out/interrupt if you have something worthwhile to say, doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. Who makes these rules anyway? Be patient, listen, yes, but don't allow anyone to cut you down.

If you have something to say, think about it and then say it. If you don't voice what concerns you, no one else will. Most of the times, we are not alone, we just don't know the many others facing the same tribunals, having the same angers and humanity systems as us.

Find your voice, could be a post, could be a verbal "No", could be asserting your needs or thoughts with your partner/relatives/friends/work, it doesn't matter, find your voice and own it. You have a responsibility towards yourself and the world around you will follow.

 The Pregger's Diary

 

 I believe every pregnant woman's experience is unique. While innumerable books, well-meaning elders and online resources try to educate you, none of it prepares you for the real deal.
 This is my learning experience with pregnancy.

The News

•  The moment you know you're pregnant is beyond compare. When you're ready and it's a conscious decision to have a child, you cherish it. It's a surprise by itself. Those 2 lines on the pregnancy strip and the emotion that accompanied them still moves me. I remember thanking God with a rare ferocity and a mixture of tears,happiness and gratitude. 

The Puke Machine

  Morning Sickness is not just nausea. For me it was a misnomer. Some women should be prepared to puke throughout the day for a major part of the pregnancy. It's easier said than done.

Any food I ate would send me running to the loo. Nothing was spared, juice and even water would have me keeling at the toilet seat. A few days even the tablet the doc prescribed couldn't keep food down. It felt like I was always retching my intestines out. I would never eat more for the fear that I would puke the entire thing. Any smells or sudden jerks in the car could tip me over.

It was a precarious situation. I would feel extremely sad wondering if my child would get any of the nutrients when I couldn't eat. Accompanying every puking session  would be tiredness and a sombre mood. The happiest period of life, but I  wasn't at peace.

I couldn't do any justice to work either. I was always scared I would vomit on the carpets for the entire world to see. I certainly couldn't  concentrate. After a lot of thinking,  I quit work. I regret the stop it put on my career but it was the best decision for my child.

 My body would stave off the loss of appetite by sleep.This lasted 6 months of my 10 month pregnancy. The scientific reason was the only thing which kept me strong. Apparently Hcg hormone was higher in these scenarios which also meant that this was a very protected pregnancy. Miscarriages were rare when a person's body had high levels of Hcg.

  I learnt early that well meaning elders couldn't possibly understand what you're going through. Always do what feels right for your body.

The Bump

• During the initial months there's nothing tangible to the pregnancy. The visibility of the baby bump differs from woman to woman.
•  Around 18-20 weeks you feel the first flutter of movement. I think one of the most beautiful things about Pregnancy is the vigorous kicking. While the scans give a faint idea of the  living being within, it's the movements that gives you reassurance. The ' 3 month' safety rule is a myth. A woman is scared for her child till the end.

The Mood Swings

  Pregnancy hormones made me more weepy, forgetful, mad with worry and overall a mess. However, I was not under any stress. I watched my TV sitcoms, read my novels, listened to music and pretty much slept the entire day.  

The Final 3 Laps

• Once my 6 month morning sickness abated,  I began eating normally from the 7th month. Scientifically it's only from the 7th month that the fetus actually requires the calories. In the initial months, the fetus develops all the important organs and body functions and that requires minimal calories. 
• However, this period of eating had it's own issues. I would get acid reflux, again thanks to my pregnancy.  Acid reflux during pregnancy is due to the relaxing stomach muscles which make way for the baby. This sends food up the oesophagus. 
• Accompanying all this was back pain and sleepless nights due to the back pain.

The 11th Hour

While some babies arrive on time, some arrive early, mine decided she didn't want to leave my womb until absolutely necessary. I had attended Natal classes to handle contractions,  pain etc. But, I never had any contractions leading to labor.     

 At 41 weeks I was induced to try for a normal delivery. Now this involved  Inserting a Foley catheter with a bulb that would dilate my cervix. The gas mask didn't  help. The pain I underwent was so intense, I thought I died. I prayed to God to forgive my sins.

 So, I didn't die. I was just taped to this tube for an entire night. Hoping to dilate. That didn't happen, the next morning I had the gel. In a minute or 2, I would get contractions that struck me out of the blue. They were coming at short intervals and brought pain along.

I wasn't crying. I battled the pain with anger. I took my mind off the pain by asking my care takers to squeeze my legs harder. The nurses and the doc finally decided to break the waters, I took the gas again. My child had passed meconium, so I had to have an emergency c section. The time it took for the operation  theatre to get ready, I was in pain with no gas to relieve it. I just wanted it to end. I was given the spinal which numbed the pain and I waited for my baby to be out.

The Everlasting Moment

When they showed her to me, I was overwhelmed. There I was in the operation theatre with the doctors all around me and I sang " Somewhere Over the Rainbow " for her.
That moment, when I saw my blood and muck-covered screaming kid, is priceless. I will take it with me to my grave.

Now I realize, I have undergone immense pain and still went under the knife for a delivery. To save my baby and do what's best for her, I would have done anything. I will always carry my scars proudly.

The New Mother

To be honest, there are tough days. Your kid is cranky, hungry all the time, you are sleep deprived, the kid in question can fall sick anytime, you scold the kid, you watch others scold your kid. Your well-meaning family and friends who tell you what is right or wrong. Basically being a mother is driving you mad.

You wonder the whys and hows, you dissect everything your family says, you think maybe you aren't that protective of your child. You wonder if you are going to be a bad mother and the list of double guessing is endless.

But Mothers, remember, yes, this is a tough journey , there will be tough nights, tougher days and the hardest decisions to make. But then you realize the blessing, God has bestowed you with.  

Your child chose you, to be born to. Make the reason count.

"We Care" - Brands and Empathy

    I have always been fascinated by human nature and psychology. Gratitude, kindness, mercy are some character traits I have always been attracted to. 

Online, I am more inclined to read stories or view pictures which reflect the goodness of humanity. Stories and videos of grit, triumph over odds have always moved me and maybe motivated me. 

I thought people like me who follow humanity over anything were very few. But I was wrong. Off-late there has been a surge in advertisements which strike an emotional cord with some of us, if not most. The marketer in me immediately began to notice how these ads helped in the brand positioning. I have taken the recent three ads and have anaylzed them from my perspective.

• Google - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHGDN9-oFJE

When people say Google, we always think about the advancements in technology. The youngsters see it as a necessity in today's world. But what is Google? A basic search engine which provides you an array of sites that already exist on the web. An online encyclopedia/directory all in the click of a buttton. 

If I was to explain Google to my grandmother, I'd say it's a directory linking to other directories of information. Something like Yellow pages. But that is before I saw the ad.

Now it's more than a directory. Now it shows that it permeates all facets of human life and can drive emotions, desires for real.

My granny now, knows the internet, uses it to skype too with some help. So for her Google is out of the world technology that only her grand children show off about. But when I showed her the ad and explained it, she instantly asked me if I could find her long lost third cousin. I did'nt have the heart to tell her, in the real world Google sometimes doesn't  have all the answers. But the ad definitely says so. 

• HUL - Project Sunlight 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWTVCkvQzY8

I was still hungover from Google's ad which was trying to connect with its users by the 'Empathy' route. Then I come across Project Sunlight. I was cynical at first because Sunlight is the name of a lesser known detergent from HUL. People know only Surf in this country and undoubtedly HUL's Surf is the market leader. However, the short film doesn't explicitly cite any of its products.

Apart from the 'Unilever Project Sunlight' there are no other references of it anywhere in the short film. But subconsciously, when they talk about technologies, medicines, products of the future, I think HUL.

So what is HUL going to do? Are they trying to show that they are more environment friendly? Are they trying to position themselves as more than a FMCG manufacturer? Are they going to be the one stop shop for all human needs in the future? Somehow, I'm not convinced that the film is just a harmless CSR activity that protects the environment for future generations.

• Vodafone - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdQtLzkt1b4

This is a true Network amalgamation with Facebook. You see the ad, and you know that's how today's world is. You connect with the ad, the person, the status messages, the pics. If not you, well someone you know. Vodafone has always made humorous ads, cute ads in the past. This recent one seems to say I know you need an outlet to vent all the good and bad that's  happening in your life on Facebook. Well, just use our network to do it faster.

All these ads seem to say, "We Care". They want consumers to believe that it's more than the Top line that matters to them. But if these ads, get them those numbers, who is complaining?

Soul Searching myself

More than wondering about the secrets of the universe, questioning my existence and trying to find my purpose, I always wonder who I am as a person and what exactly I need in my life.
This is as much as I understand or know myself as on date of this post.

• I'm flawed. I have never seen myself as perfect and revel in the fact that my flaws make me stronger.
• I have a few close friends with whom I can be crazy, childish, humorous or care free. Only my close pals get to see my light hearted side. 
• I can be naive. In life, I always see good in people.
• I wish I was more shrewd or more ruthless. It's a defense mechanism.
• Mostly I'm happy, pumped up or silently sad. Rarely people get to see my raging anger.
• I'm very playful.
• I am stand offish with others, silent, not mingling much in fact. This may seem to others as am arrogant, whereas in reality I don't know them enough to let my hair down. I'm my caring self with friends, reserved with others.
• When I say caring, I show I care when I listen. I always like providing a shoulder to lean on. I like being needed.
• When it comes to me though, I don't like sharing, not that I don't want to or that I want to hide, just that I believe when I share I become weak.I don't like making myself weak. I want to share but I haven't found another soul who would understand and care enough.
• I am emotional and sensitive, it is only with a few that I share my insecurities or whatever that bugs me.
• I insulate myself from the world to cope up sometimes. Music truly gives me peace.
• I abhorr gossip. I try to stay away from the people and it mostly. I'd rather be isolated than swim in a mire of talk.
• I'm honest. It's a liability sometimes.
• I can be jealous, but I always wish another person well, somehow being excessively jealous seems beneath me. 
• I believe I have a  good heart. 
• I can be truly lazy and not do work at all or I can drive myself to death working.
• I bury myself in work sometimes. When I'm working, I'm preoccupied with it.
• The smallest things make me happy. 
• I know I'm strong. I just don't like talking about my travails. I always look forward.
• Only thing that drives me, the will to live and beat the odds. 
• I always refer to boxing matches in my life, I may fall down bleeding but I'm never staying down.
• I can be crazy-happy. (Again for emphasis) :p
• I don't giggle. I laugh. Loud.And when I do, it's with all my heart.
• I love laughing. I cherish that gift truly.
• I like being happy.
• I want to love and be loved. I'm a human being after all.
• I like to cook. A labor of love.
• Sometimes I turn to books than people.
• I'm unpredictable. I can be serious, mature and then suddenly be silly or clown around.
• I have learnt not to judge people without truly knowing them.
• I love food. 
• I can be a wallflower/bookworm/steel magnolia/naughty siren/crazy witch.
• I'm still learning about myself and every time I surprise myself.
• No one truly knows me and no, this blog won't help you much either.
• The jury is still out on whether I even want that.
• If there's something for certain that I know, it is that I want to be happy and die a good human being. The rest are just details.

Love Letter to a Finance Major :-p

Dear Finance Major,

This letter is to let you know that while you are busy counting numbers, you should take some time off and count my heart rate every time you are in the vicinity. While you are breaking your head over balance sheets, you should know it's relatively easier to tally your assets and my liabilities.
 I'm honest about my intangible feelings for you and would love to share cups of coffee listening to your Finance raving and hopefully learn something from you. As I'm bad at Finance, I'm hoping you would manage our joint finances.
If you choose to enter this parternship, you shall benefit from my 4ps- Polite,Pally, Pleasing personality and Passion. You should know I have already targetted you as an apt choice to meet my parents. I shall leave the positioning to you.
 In the same breath, I have to say you are more preoccupied about stock bonds than strengthening our bond. My interest rate in your bond is increasing day by day and if you don't cash in soon, I'm afraid your value will fall in my eyes. So kindly use your call option and call me. It would be beneficial to our parternship if you propose your bid and I shall sign the dotted line within speculated duration.

Hoping for a long partnership,
Yours Truly Marketing Major.

What do you think is attractive in a man/woman?

I have always loved studying the human psyche as it's one of the most complex and enigmatic entities of human kind. I have come across various articles or write-ups about what traits people felt were attractive in the opposite sex, albeit none with the Indian mindset. 

This got me wondering if Indians perceived attraction the same way as our counterparts across the world did. 

I assure you that all these answers are from real people and I have not used my creative license on any of the below.

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" They should actually behave like a man, actually have a spine every once in a while at least, and be respectful of the women's feelings and emotions at the same time.

Physically as well I think I want the ones that are more the man kinds, by that I mean I don't quite like the cute pretty types in matching clothes, they rather be with the lazy beard and a shirt with the sleeves folded to the elbows and denims but smart shoes (always).

Somebody who is kind and generous and thoughtful, who can listen but talk much as well. 

The guy has to be smart, I don't care if they are younger than me but i would be really annoyed if they are more stupid than me, that said I don't think I'm that smart, I'm pretty stupid so being smart in front of me is not a challenge. But not too smart as well else I would be kinda overwhelmed.

Somebody who likes to travel and go for long walks. Somebody who treats me like an equal and at the same time who could be comforting during high levels of distress.

A guy with thick eyebrows and sharp eyes and tall would be pretty perfect. 

Somebody who wants to have babies and do exciting adventurous stuff even outside the house . 

Somebody with whom I have stuff in common with and hence can spend a Sunday with him alone and not get bored.

Yep, I can be demanding! but I think true love is out there and I'm going to find him  and when I do find him, I'm not going to let him go! "--  Anonymous woman in search of true love

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" For first impression: Physical features or kindness towards one.

For friendship: The space provided by the girl. Trust and opinion about the guy.

For love/marriage: Can't live without her feeling takes it further.

Overall: Kindness and Beauty(Can't define beauty, depends on individual perspective) are attributed to girls that attracts a guy(or at least me  ) " - Seshachalam Srinivasan

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" Men understand the situation and find a solution. But handling it is not as good as women.. Women are more emotional oriented." -- Uma

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"Girl's Ass " --- Anonymous Ass Lover

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"A man's Sense of humor, Intelligence and Wit. He and I should have the same wave length" --- Susan

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"I think her way of talking, the way she dresses up and how often she makes other people smile " --- Ankit Kohli
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" Eyes and Physical features" -- Sundeep Babbar

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"Height and Sense of Humor" -- Anonymous girl who hates to be photographed

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" Attraction can be in many forms, physical, emotional, intellectual or even persona based. We are also attracted to our friends as we would like to spend most of our time with them, or even our families as we miss them as they are not around for a long time. 
So attraction should not be confused only for mating senses, it is a part of our social protocol which runs in our unconscious mind all the time. 

But I guess your question is specific to the opposite sex only right? 

What attracts me the most in women?  Hmmm.. that is a tricky one. 
To be honest my interests have been changing with time and I can't say for sure that if a woman have 'these' set of attributes (physical or persona based), I would be attracted to her.
But yes, there are things that specifically grabs my attention. As a sexually active young man, yes I am attracted to certain physical parts of women, but the overall personality decides whether I am going to fall for her or not! 

A women can be as crazy as man, but I really get turned off when they talk dirty, specially in public. Some people get turned on by that, but I feel girls should be more sophisticated (go ahead call me a chauvinist).

Sometimes I feel few want to talk that way just to pretentiously sound cool. A girl with beauty and brains but no concern for personal hygiene is also a big no ( I am sure all female readers know what I am talking about , yes, you need to go the the parlor to do certain stuff regularly, we make fun of it, but its more gross if you don't take care of it).

I feel attracted to confident women who know how to carry themselves, can take strong decisions and can be completely independent from me. 
But at the same time I also feel attracted to homely girls who seek my advice on taking decisions and can make me feel that she needs a shoulder, my shoulder. 

I know what you must be thinking. May be the reason behind the 2nd attraction is that I want to quench my 'man of the house' thirst, and that too is chauvinist! But yes, I feel that way, can't help it. I am just being honest about what I truly feel. 

To be concise , I feel every boy wants his girl to be like his mom, caring, loving and who stays with you through black and blue. There is nothing hotter than a girl who stays with you through the tough times of your life. -- Yash Deep Singh
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“By 'Attraction' I presume sexual attraction, in which case the question I am answering is "What I think is attractive in a woman?" because I am a straight Indian male.

Firstly I like it when women are straight-backed, proud and bold. I am attracted to women who have strong opinions and are unabashed. Also a woman who is not always interested in her own physical appearance is attractive. 

I believe that woman who don't bother much about their own physical appearance (like bothered about make-up, constantly talking about their hairdo, shoes, accessories blah blah) are usually confident in their abilities and don't use their 'fairer sex' status and are also usually sensible.

Moving on to physical appearance, I've noticed that the faces of girls with the above set of characters are generally to my liking usually they look smart, I like smart, rather than beautiful faces. 

 This is really un-quantifiable but an example is I like Monica more than Rachel in Friends (Sit-Com). Other optional preference is I like women with shoulder length or waist length hair, in between is nor really attractive.

As for structural appearance I am attracted to the same structure an average man is, very similar to the sculptures of Goddesses present in Mamallapuram.

I do realize that the above description is a highly idealized scenario but its only imagination and really I needn't limit it. “--- Saishankar Rajeev

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 "I would definitely be lying if I said, "The looks don't matter". They do indeed..... The difference is that I don't expect the guy to be a hunk (wouldn't hurt if he was though).

 But apart from the, "ooh that's a hot guy!" reactions , the thing which attracts me to a guy is when he pays attention to what I have to say and likes engaging me in conversation. 

Of course, that does not mean that I like every guy who talks to me...... I like guys who talk to me and respect my point of view on a certain topic even if it doesn't reflect their own view of it.... that's when I start thinking, "Hey, he isn't half bad!" 

So CONVERSATION and DISCOURSE would be the things which make a huge impression on me!"

  -- Anonymous woman who loves conversation

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" So what do I find attractive in a man?

I find men who are elder to me, attractive. The minute I know someone's my age or younger , he's outta the spectrum. I like serious-looking, seemingly intellectual men with glasses.( Like likes like?) Men who look like they have the whole world to carry. They make me wonder what I could do to bring a smile on their face, feel like saying," Hey you ain't alone , I got your back." Well dressed men, a good voice.

Honesty and trust are crucial factors. I couldn't be with a man who'd not be honest with me. It's a part of me. I'm not a person who'd tolerate lies. Someone who'd treat me with dignity and respect. I'm an independent woman, I find men who'd let me do my own thing, have my own friends, attractive. However, he must be possessive about me. I find that primitive aspect attractive as heck! Men who are agnostic or regard humanity higher.

A man who does things for me before I even ask it. A man who is not scared to make the first move because, well, I'm shy. And he should know that I take time.  A man who doesn't raise his voice, but is calm and determined. 

Someone who'd understand my love for books, the poems I write, my sensuality and my need for personal space sometimes. Someone who'd kiss me senseless, someone who'd own me and have enough balls to tell my father, "She's no more your concern, she's mine."

Overall, the guy's gotta be intellectual, well-dressed, honest, kind, stand up for me, brave and a man who'd be respected by the other great men in my life, my father and bro. 

                                                                                                  ---- Author

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To conclude,

• Men are attracted to physical features at first and then want equally compatible personality traits.
•  However, they would overlook an awesome personality if the woman in question does not seem attractive to them.

• Women are attracted to physicality too, but have more preference for traits such as humor, intelligence, honesty etc. 
• They would be attracted more by the personality traits of a man rather than his pretty face.

Now that I'm 25...

Now that I have turned 25, my list of things I gotta do:

• Keep grinning my goofy grin. My bunny teeth showing? Like I care.. am too busy grinning. :}

• Laugh louder and harder. 

• Stop Swearing!! F**k is gonna be Ollie!

• Continue the duck walk. Let's face it. I ain't ever gonna do the cat walk, so duckie it is.

• Run more. I feel embarrassed running to classes, to catch a bus..yada yada. Well.. I ain't no Usain Bolt, but I'm a gazelle. So I'm running. 

• Love myself more , I deserve that.

• Appreciate life coz i'm still alive!

• Keep looking younger :p

• Be the kid I always am.

• Feel happy without feeling guilty.

• Help people more. I like doing this.

• Be stronger. 

• Respect myself more to not take crap from people who ain't worth the ground I walk on.

• Have only few close friends who'd protect me and who'd always wish the best for me.

• Find something that drives me.

• Stop procrastinating.

• Walk with my head held high and not looking at the ground. (Am practicing this one)

• Look at people in the eye. ( I kinda shy away from this too. Not anymore. I'm gonna win staring matches. Bring it on bitches.)

• Make gluttony my middle name.

• Wear a th**g for one whole day. (I'd be giggling all the while and the world will never know why). It's my own little secret.

• Read more books in their physical form. My dependence on ebooks is not helping. 

• Continue being the caring and warm person to those special few. 

• My naivete appalls me. Gotta put an end to that but without being cynical. (tough)

• I ain't letting hard times make a cynical bitch outta me.

• Every time I fall, I'm gonna pull myself up and fight harder.I ain't giving up.

• Stop caring what other people think becoz they couldn't take a step in my shoes.

• Immerse myself in more music.

If I could get hitched in a Library ...

Today, after a long time I found myself in a library, reading. The smell of books, the quiet and me flipping through pages alone,  got me feeling a calm bliss.
I apparently love books more than I love social contact and suddenly thought it would be a wacky idea to get married in a library. This triggered my thought on why I have always loved books.

 My first book was 'Little Red Riding Hood' which my dad got me from a lending library. To this day, I don't remember if I chose the book because it had a red girl on it or if I love Red because I chose the book.

As a child I remember reading 'The Secret Garden' and crying my heart out and as I grew, I've read suspense, fantasy, sci-fi action with romances being a fixture. I've read books for 2 days straight without water or food! Yeah, am that crazy.

Non-fiction never appealed much to me because I read books to escape from hard reality.
I still do, seek to escape from reality, that is. Sometimes though, my cynical self rears its head and I throw the soppy novel I've been reading. Then, after weeks, I read another one all through the night. I realized that sometimes I'm completely buried in books and then I get bored and stay away from them. A love-hate relationship of sorts.

With the advent of e-books, I see myself reading more stories, but I still miss the thrill of turning pages and the smell of a well-read book. Books have shaped the way I think, the way I perceive the world and unfortunately my expectations too. So far, the only grouse has been that books have, in a way, clouded my sense of reality and my expectations. However, I'm still in two minds if it's a good thing or not.

For other people books are a hobby, for me books have always been a part of my life, I could always bury my sorrows in a good book, laugh the loudest because I read something  or be completely moved by a book for days together.

To books, I will always love you. Thank you for being there for me.

Here's to Steel Magnolias

 I can't make up my mind on whether I want to be rescued or do the rescuing.

When I was younger, I wanted a Knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet. To be honest, even now some girlish part of me thinks it might happen. Then, I realize I'm more of a warrior woman and any girlish part I might have curtails to primping myself.

I think it's a huge gender reversal of sorts. Times have changed but some men are still intimidated by a confident woman or worse they don't respect the woman. We are still compassionate, emotional and feminine. We still love clothes, kittens, puppies and food, just that now, we're made of steel. If men were confident with themselves, they wouldn't be intimidated by us. And no, just because we do the wooing, doesn't mean we belong to the fast lane.

By the time men get the courage to walk up to us, we're rolling our eyes and would rather have fun with our gal pals. We'd rather charge into the battle field wearing armor ourselves, than wait for some imaginary Knight. It doesn't make us any less of a Lady.

Then there's another enigma.Why are women measured depending on who their partner/spouse is, or if they even have one? Why can't a woman be single and enjoy life on her own terms? Why can't she get shackled to whom she wants and when she wants?

I prefer being the warrior woman and getting a man who can handle me, just the way I am. The societal dainty ladies need rescuing from Knights, not steel magnolias.

List of things I ought to do so they don't get added on to my Bucket List.

There are a lot of things I've been wanting to do over the years.. I've had a Bucket list before but I lost it and I'm sure I never did even one thing on the list.

This is my digitized version. I am hoping that this time, I get to do the stuff on the list with a little help and eventually the list grows.

• Throw a house party for all my best pals.
• Dye a couple of my hair strands in pink or red. 
• Play football with boys.
• Catch a movie alone and absolutely enjoy the solitude.
• Wear clothes I don't usually wear- Denim shorts and a closed halter.
• Play hop scotch.
• Dance in a room full of people without a care that I have two left feet.
• Go for a long drive with a bunch of good pals.
• Buy lingerie in all my favorite colors. I'm an unrepentant lingerie lover.
• Sleep under the stars.
• Lie on snow and make snow angels. Age no bar.
• Go to Rome and drink afternoon tea.
• Stay in an archaic bed room and sleep on an old four poster bed with white sheets.
• Wear a bikini and go for a swim in a closed enclave one evening.
• Do the waltz with a significant other.
• Ride a horse or at least pat down one.
• Pay for food in an old age home/orphanage.
• Buy a bright yellow hand bag.
• Ask an unattached young French man if he can French kiss.
• Have a charcoal grill and make yummy chicken.
• Travel!!
• Write a love letter.
• Get a kitten. Said kitten sleeps near my bed.
• Significant other gifts me blood red roses. 
• Woman up and get a Brazilian wax. Ouch.
• Publish my novel.

To be continued........

Wacky things to do when you are bored

When you are not in the mood to watch television, read, listen to music or embark on any hobby you like but are suffering from acute boredom, this list will help you :p

! Wear socks and skate when you are at home. Most offices have sparkly flooring so shoes will do.

!  Play games online with a ten year old and when he loses, tell him he lost to a seven year old girl! :D

! Stare at people for a long time and see who breaks eye contact first. ( Me and the youngest bro always have staring matches.)

! Jump on your bed. When was the last time you did that?

! Day dream. I'm married to a vampire knight from the 12th century , we live in a Scottish castle and the sex is of course amazing! :p

! Look around your room, think it deserves to be cleaner? Think of ways it could be worse and then commend yourself for having a clean room. 

! Find different ways of shaking your bum in front of your mirror. I can draw an infinity symbol. Can you?? :D

! Bug other people. I sweetly ask permission with a puppy face and then bug them relentlessly.

! Feed the crows near your home regularly. Trust me, they recognize you after a while! It effectively stops accidental swooping, pecking or the pooping.

! Take a shower all the while singing in a loud voice. 

! Play dress up. Yes. More power to you if you are a male.

! Ask your parents where you were when they got married, this always gets ridiculous looks if you are in your twenties.

Now I'm off to try all of the above. Any things you'd like to add?

Can love make you happy?

The person who can make you happy is... You. Happiness comes from within, from who you are, from what you do. Sometimes, we make the mistake of thinking some one else can make us happy.

Another person, a friend or a partner can only add on or enrich your life experience, good or bad. Expecting some one else to make your life happy is like expecting some one else to do your work. It doesn't work always.

Why do we always think that falling in love or getting hitched will make us happy? No one 'completes you'. If you think your partner can 'complete you', you are in for a major disappointment in life.

Why do we give so much emphasis on another person and not on ourselves? If you cannot make yourself happy, how can anybody else?

Friendships,partnerships, relationships, marriages are all about sharing each others' life experiences. 'Trying to change' the other is when all of the above come crashing down.
People are the happiest when friends or spouses accept them the way they are.

The key is "I am happy being this way and you are happy being who you are. Let's share our lives."

Follies happen when either try to conform the other to their personal rules, family expectations or their society's rules.Acceptance is the key here. If you cannot accept them, then it is better to steer away from that person.

If you are a person who drinks, get a partner who will take you out for shots. If you love dancing, get a partner who will dance away the night with you. If you are a home body, get someone who will stay at home with you. If you love weird sex get a partner who will share your kinky nature. To put it simply, get someone who has a lot in common with you or get someone whose differences, beliefs and outlook you truly accept.

When you get friends or get hitched to suit what your parents or society mandates as good for you, is when you are asking for trouble. If your parents views or society's views match with yours then go for it. Else put your happiness in front of all of them. Losing one's individuality to fit in someone's rule book will never give either peace. Life's too short to live satisfying everyone else but you.

Love can make you happy only when those involved accept the other with all their faults or quirks and not try to change them. Ever. Not now, not in 10 years and not in 50 years either. Love or Marriage won't mellow you down nor will it make you responsible or anything else elders believe. If you always have a free streak, mingle more with friends, or have a flirty nature then nothing can change you nor the other person.

The saying people change is a myth. People can never change who they are. They may become better or worse, but their essence never changes. People do not change into something they never were.

So love yourself and accept that neither will you change nor can you change another person. That is where happiness is.

The Under dog & Me

My definition of the Under-dog is someone who is over-looked, not cared for, under estimated and that person who sits quietly in a corner waiting for someone to talk to. 

I have always been a bit protective of my family and close pals, but some stranger in dire need manages to make my eyes and nose runny. This stems from the thought that, I have myself to pull me through tough situations (I try hard), but what if that person does not have that strength? What if he/she thinks no one cares or life is just too difficult?

No. I'm not a saint. I don't work selflessly. But I want to make this world a bit happier, at the least try to help people if I can. Sometimes, all a person needs is just some one to say, "You are not alone. I'm there." For some, these are just words, for some even words mean a lot. 

To be honest, I don't remember anyone telling me those words, except that person in the mirror ( If the reader has, do remind me to thank you and then scold me for being an ungrateful wretch) . Most of the times, I think it's because I hate showing my vulnerability. I am heavily armored. However, I believe, just because the world gives you a short hand, doesn't meant you have to. I rationalize that there are people like me, so I say, " I'm there, don't worry." 

I mean it too. The only time I abscond is when I think my good intentions are taken advantage of, or if the other person thinks my attentions are a given or if their sadness should have me fawn over them. Oh, no you don't. I bend, but never to play slave to your sad princess. 

It's not about Karma either. Good deeds count.. good thoughts just make you happy. 

I love 'She will be loved' by Maroon5. My favorite lyrics goes like this, "Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while and she will be loved."

 The irony is that I'm the girl with the broken smile belting out crappy karaoke just to make another person feel better. And no, I'm not complaining. I'm proud. I don't mind clowning about if some one else can laugh through their tears. I just wish more people had the same outlook in life.

I love the under dog because that person needs it more than anyone else. If you can spread a cheer why not? In life, it is not always about getting things in return. Giving might just make you more happier. So if you are an under dog, know that we can go on a tire pissing spree together!! :-D

Who is a 'good' person?

Something which has always puzzled me is that, what do we exactly mean by he/she is a 'good' person?

In my life, I have always made choices which I feel are right for me and I'm sure many of us follow the same ideology.

I'm sure I may have other vices, but I have always been proud of my choices as a non-drinker, non-smoker, non-weeder (Is that even a word?) and unfortunately believe in wedding and then bedding. My motivation is solely the fact that I consider myself a social rebel in this time and age and certainly not to get into someone's good graces.

With other people, I intervene only when I feel it's detrimental to their health. Else, I give them their space. 

But how do these choices have anything to do with being a 'good' person?

Who is a good person? You decide :

A person refrains from the above 'bad habits', but is prejudiced, racist or a terrible blight on humanity and this person's moral values affects another human being, physically or emotionally. Is he/she a good person?

Another liberal person lives life based on his/her choices, helps people in need without bias and the moral values of this person strongly vouch for loyalty, trustworthiness, honesty and kindness. Is he/she a good person?

 Lifestyle choices are not indicators of 'goodness'. A friend who drinks is a bad person only when he/she 'forces' you to do the same. A good friend will back off once you say a firm no. Blaming others for our indecisiveness is only our folly.

I personally believe humanity maketh a good person more than anything else.

I'd chose liberal people with big hearts, any day over prudes with a small mind. I don't let other peoples' prejudices cloud my judgement, I give everyone a fair chance before I make my own, be it a priest or stripper. 

What about you?

The deconstruction of "Like" in Fb and Life

So you are friendly, you are cheerful and some people know you. Does that make you sociable?

Have you ever come across situations where seemingly uninteresting people seem to be more popular than you are and you're wondering how?

Do you find calling a spade a spade easier than diplomacy?


You're at the right place then. Read on.


After reading books and armed with my own personal experience, I realized that,
 "People like being liked". Furthermore, we really wonder about how much we are liked by people and the reasons.
Some people base this on their looks, some on their personality and some base it on the number of people they call as friends.

Case in point. Some XYZ person posts something monumental on Facebook and it draws a zillion likes. Truth is, only 10 people who truly know the person, would have liked it. The others would have clicked the Like button just because the person is on their friend's list and it would be rude not to like something obviously important to the said person.

So, even when you don't really care about the person , you click the Like button and even more lame, give a comment that clearly shows it's not heart felt.

Why do we do it then? Is it because we don't want to be seen as rude? Or is it because we  don't want to be left out of the herd?

 There are few people I've met who smile and talk to everyone but really don't care much about the person they're waving to. Are they friendly? Or is the person who has two friends and sticks by them through thick and thin, friendly?

Even when we know the answer, why is it that we are hard on people who call a spade a spade? Sure, they lack diplomacy but is it not better than being two-faced or being lied ?

Truth be told, we have an inflated opinion about ourselves. Hence anyone who does not cater to that need of making us feel good, is not liked. The person who compliments you, flatters you and is other wise completely uninteresting on the other hand is seen as more friendly.

I, along with a few others [ Or wait.. is it just me?], fortunately belong to the species of humans that really can't get the art of being sociable.

Sure, I compliment people. But only when I really mean it. I cannot flatter a person even if they deserve it, but if I don't mean it.
I am very friendly with people whom I'm comfortable with or I truly know, the others... eh not much, because that would again be two-faced.

This might make some of us rebels, or the social out casts. But I'm proud that I belong to a dwindling breed of people who live life on their terms and don't bow to the herd mentality.

So, to the dwindling breed, if you are not popular with the herd, don't fret. You won't be able to stand them anyway. Appreciate the people who honestly criticize you, tell you things that really deflates your opinion about yourself or get angry at you. They may not congratulate you later when you succeed, but they are the ones who truly care.

 And finally, click the Like button only if you truly "Like" something. Respect yourself enough to be honest to yourself.



Remember, YOU ROCK!!!

Romantic Comedies for a Friday Evening

It's a recent ritual of mine that I hunt down Rom-Coms or just the Roms and stay glued to the screen. Some are not exactly chick-flicks, I'm sure a few men might watch them, if only to laugh about the delusions of women.

I like the happy endings, the occasional awwwww and the "I don't know whether I'm crying happy tears or sad tears" phenomenon. A major plus is that these Rom-Coms always have good looking men and women.

So, here's the list of movies I like to curl up with after a Friday dinner.


1. Kate and Leopold   


It's a fantasy movie with old school chivalry and absolute romance.

Leopold is a duke who apparently is caught up in the present day scenario and Kate is a career woman who searches for love. She's got a brother who's the perfect foil for these two. The characters are neatly etched and there's never a lull in the narration.
Meg Ryan was the undisputed queen of Romance movies back in the day.I fell in love with Hugh Jackman when I saw this movie, and for a time Leo was my imaginary boyfriend. Oh.. wait, he still is.

The roof top dinner scene

2. Chocolat 

I clicked the rewind just to see the scene when he says "What"

The story of Vianne, a confectioner single mother who comes to a new town with her daughter and sets up a chocolate shop in the otherwise strait-laced town. Roux and his band of gypsies are temporarily staying on the out skirts of the town and when these two meet, there's absolute fireworks!

I loved the town setting per se. It has a quintessential small town feel to it. The story revolves around the people of this town and we get to see their lives too. This one's a chick-flick through and through.

3. 50 First Dates

Nothing beats a first kiss ;-)

This is a wonderful Romantic Comedy that even guys dig. Drew Barrymore was awesome in this movie. Adam Sandler and his hilarious persona make the movie breezy. Half the time I was laughing and the rest of the time  I was like "awwwwww". 

The girl has a health condition which makes her think its one day before her accident, everyday. The next day she forgets everything and re- lives the day again.

The guy who loves her, wins her everyday, anew. Wow. Who does that in real life?? A complete gem, the whole family can enjoy.

4. Someone Like You

A must watch scene coz I was like awwww
and then had tears in my eyes.

 Chick Flick about a woman with a broken heart who finds love where she was not even looking. Hugh Jackman and Ashley Judd play main roles in this movie. A must watch with girl pals, pop corn and pepsi.

5. Friends with Benefits


This movie is an universal Rom-Com because the boys and the girls will like this movie.
It has comedy, sex and romance. A good 'date movie' if you will.
Mila Kunis is a great actress. She has a very chirpy persona and a goofy attitude in this movie that kind of reminded me of myself. Especially the airport luggage scene. Anyhoo, a good movie over all.

She's Hot. He's cute. High-Five!

6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

The story about a guy who is heart broken and cannot get over his ex. Quite a funny and sweet movie. A huge favorite with the guys.

A sweet guy in real life too I heard..

The regular ones like 27 dresses, A walk to remember and others are done to death. These are a few treasures. Might add more for other write-ups. Enjoy Friday evenings :)

To me, from me with love.

To me with love,

Remember this time in your life. What does not kill you, only makes you stronger.

Turmoil and me go way long back. Sometimes, I cause it.. sometimes it's by the people around me. I know the  "This too shall pass.." line, but the patience in waiting for it to end is what drives me crazy.

I wish I could hide under a big rock waiting for my world to turn. I learnt that every time I fall, all I want to do is hibernate. Different people deal with things differently. The way I deal is, facing it all valiantly but hoping I could run off to the arctic circle.

It's all in the mind. My best friend and my worst enemy is my mind. My mind tells me to be patient at the same time is screaming on the emotional roller-coaster!

I once read that happiness is a state of the mind.I heartily agree. But I wonder how many times human beings out there say, "I am happy".
I have said those three words very often in life for the most mundane things. "I am happy" when I eat my chocolate ice cream. "I am happy" when I listen to a song I've just been thinking about. "I am happy" sometimes for reasons I can't fathom.

But, when the going gets tough and I'm on the verge of a break down.. All I can think of at the moment is getting the issue at hand, right. No amount of ice cream, kittens or songs derail me. I am single minded on the turmoil and nothing seems to rev my spirits up.

Then, I forget it all, and with a large smile on my face welcome the world again. I have my knocks. I fall down, scrape badly. But I always rise to stand. I never give up. I never lose hope. I realized that being a cynic in this world is easy, but having hope in the face of difficulty is tough.

And what makes me go on is the thought that I deserve a happy ending. :)

Rava Idly and Coriander Coconut Chutney

I was having this craving to make Rava Idly for the past one week, so today I tried this out after reading an online recipe. My first batch was really good so I was forced to make a second batch which was a damp squib. :(
So here's what to do and not to do for this delicacy.

Rava Idly :

Rava or Sooji-1 cup
Beaten Curd- 1 cup (I din't use a beater ,there's a utensil to grind
greens, I used that)
Green Chilies- 2 or 3
Chopped Curry leaves
Bengal Gram- adequate amount (It's for the Idly so not too much nor too little)
(Kadalai Paruppu)
Mustard seeds
Salt
Ghee
Oil

Method:

• First grease the Idly plates with adequate oil so that the Idly does not stick.
• Beat the curd while adding very little water. More of curd, less of water. just use water to clean the beater.
• In a pan heat the ghee with little oil and add the Bengal Gram. Use a medium flame. A high flame will burn the bengal gram.
• Add the mustard seeds. When the splatter, add the chilies and curry leaves and saute.
• Now add the Rava or sooji to this. Gradually saute this mixture. The only way to figure out if the Rava is cooked is with the smell and look of it. Rava should not turn brown.
• Now, add this hot mixture to the curd, wile gradually mixing the batter. Add little water to get normal batter consistency. Adding too much of water will cause the Idly to be very watery. 
• Add salt to this batter and mix well.
• Pour this batter immediately into the Idly plates and steam. Check with spoon once in a while to see whether the Idly is cooked.

Coriander Coconut Chutney :

Grated Coconut
Odacha Kadalai ( I dont want to confuse this with the other Bengal gram used above)
Chopped Coriander
Green Chilies
Oil
Urad Dal (little)
Curry leaves
Mustard seeds
Salt

• Grind the coconut,coriander,kadalai and chilies in a mixer. Add water for desired consistency.
• In a pan, heat the oil and splatter the Urad dal. When it turns little brown, add the Mustard seeds. Switch off the stove and add the curry leaves.
• Add this to the ground chutney.
• Add salt as per taste.

As I mentioned before, important things to note.

• Add little water. Too much water will collapse the Idly.
• From the online recipes I've read, it's vital to pour the batter into the Idly plates and steam as soon as possible once the Rava mixture is added to the curd.
• Use a spoon to check whether the Idly has cooked. The Idly should be stiff.

I got it right the first time, the second time, the Idly batter had more water and it made my cry. So, I'm gonna do this later to perfect the art of making Rava Idly :)

When people around you get on your nerves..

This happens to me most of the time, not withstanding that I manage to encompass myself alone. I have always wondered if it was my fault or theirs, then I realize it's a cumulative effort by all parties concerned except me. [It's a matter of perception. You think you're right and the offending folks may think you're wrong.]
Unfortunately you cannot stay away from the said parties when they happen to be your parents, siblings or friends.

So what can a person do short of banging doors, pulling your hair apart and screaming that is accompanied angry tears?

1. Smile inwardly and think of various forms of torture they'd be subjected to for trying to make your life miserable.

2. Be silent and know that this too shall pass.
( I do have a doubt though, does being silent and not retorting mean you're spineless and are taken advantage of or does that mean you're a bigger person????? ). I believe when you resort to the same tactics as people who make it their life's mission to  make you feel terrible, there's never much of a difference between the two.

3. I strongly support the motto "Every dog has its day."

4. I leave the vicinity as quietly as possible and indulge in something which makes me happy like listening to music, reading a book, eating a chocolate bar and anything which calms my synapses. (In this case, I'm blogging about the aforementioned predicament.)

5. And for those who do not follow the "Silent method", put them in place with a harsh wording. Then jump into the battle with guns blazing.

Lots of hurt, anger and tears follow this method. Hence, I prefer the deaf and dumb technique. I hear and don't reply all the while struggling valiantly not to care. This technique has not yet been mastered by me.

So how do you react when people get on your nerves??