The Pregger's Diary

 

 I believe every pregnant woman's experience is unique. While innumerable books, well-meaning elders and online resources try to educate you, none of it prepares you for the real deal.
 This is my learning experience with pregnancy.

The News

•  The moment you know you're pregnant is beyond compare. When you're ready and it's a conscious decision to have a child, you cherish it. It's a surprise by itself. Those 2 lines on the pregnancy strip and the emotion that accompanied them still moves me. I remember thanking God with a rare ferocity and a mixture of tears,happiness and gratitude. 

The Puke Machine

  Morning Sickness is not just nausea. For me it was a misnomer. Some women should be prepared to puke throughout the day for a major part of the pregnancy. It's easier said than done.

Any food I ate would send me running to the loo. Nothing was spared, juice and even water would have me keeling at the toilet seat. A few days even the tablet the doc prescribed couldn't keep food down. It felt like I was always retching my intestines out. I would never eat more for the fear that I would puke the entire thing. Any smells or sudden jerks in the car could tip me over.

It was a precarious situation. I would feel extremely sad wondering if my child would get any of the nutrients when I couldn't eat. Accompanying every puking session  would be tiredness and a sombre mood. The happiest period of life, but I  wasn't at peace.

I couldn't do any justice to work either. I was always scared I would vomit on the carpets for the entire world to see. I certainly couldn't  concentrate. After a lot of thinking,  I quit work. I regret the stop it put on my career but it was the best decision for my child.

 My body would stave off the loss of appetite by sleep.This lasted 6 months of my 10 month pregnancy. The scientific reason was the only thing which kept me strong. Apparently Hcg hormone was higher in these scenarios which also meant that this was a very protected pregnancy. Miscarriages were rare when a person's body had high levels of Hcg.

  I learnt early that well meaning elders couldn't possibly understand what you're going through. Always do what feels right for your body.

The Bump

• During the initial months there's nothing tangible to the pregnancy. The visibility of the baby bump differs from woman to woman.
•  Around 18-20 weeks you feel the first flutter of movement. I think one of the most beautiful things about Pregnancy is the vigorous kicking. While the scans give a faint idea of the  living being within, it's the movements that gives you reassurance. The ' 3 month' safety rule is a myth. A woman is scared for her child till the end.

The Mood Swings

  Pregnancy hormones made me more weepy, forgetful, mad with worry and overall a mess. However, I was not under any stress. I watched my TV sitcoms, read my novels, listened to music and pretty much slept the entire day.  

The Final 3 Laps

• Once my 6 month morning sickness abated,  I began eating normally from the 7th month. Scientifically it's only from the 7th month that the fetus actually requires the calories. In the initial months, the fetus develops all the important organs and body functions and that requires minimal calories. 
• However, this period of eating had it's own issues. I would get acid reflux, again thanks to my pregnancy.  Acid reflux during pregnancy is due to the relaxing stomach muscles which make way for the baby. This sends food up the oesophagus. 
• Accompanying all this was back pain and sleepless nights due to the back pain.

The 11th Hour

While some babies arrive on time, some arrive early, mine decided she didn't want to leave my womb until absolutely necessary. I had attended Natal classes to handle contractions,  pain etc. But, I never had any contractions leading to labor.     

 At 41 weeks I was induced to try for a normal delivery. Now this involved  Inserting a Foley catheter with a bulb that would dilate my cervix. The gas mask didn't  help. The pain I underwent was so intense, I thought I died. I prayed to God to forgive my sins.

 So, I didn't die. I was just taped to this tube for an entire night. Hoping to dilate. That didn't happen, the next morning I had the gel. In a minute or 2, I would get contractions that struck me out of the blue. They were coming at short intervals and brought pain along.

I wasn't crying. I battled the pain with anger. I took my mind off the pain by asking my care takers to squeeze my legs harder. The nurses and the doc finally decided to break the waters, I took the gas again. My child had passed meconium, so I had to have an emergency c section. The time it took for the operation  theatre to get ready, I was in pain with no gas to relieve it. I just wanted it to end. I was given the spinal which numbed the pain and I waited for my baby to be out.

The Everlasting Moment

When they showed her to me, I was overwhelmed. There I was in the operation theatre with the doctors all around me and I sang " Somewhere Over the Rainbow " for her.
That moment, when I saw my blood and muck-covered screaming kid, is priceless. I will take it with me to my grave.

Now I realize, I have undergone immense pain and still went under the knife for a delivery. To save my baby and do what's best for her, I would have done anything. I will always carry my scars proudly.

The New Mother

To be honest, there are tough days. Your kid is cranky, hungry all the time, you are sleep deprived, the kid in question can fall sick anytime, you scold the kid, you watch others scold your kid. Your well-meaning family and friends who tell you what is right or wrong. Basically being a mother is driving you mad.

You wonder the whys and hows, you dissect everything your family says, you think maybe you aren't that protective of your child. You wonder if you are going to be a bad mother and the list of double guessing is endless.

But Mothers, remember, yes, this is a tough journey , there will be tough nights, tougher days and the hardest decisions to make. But then you realize the blessing, God has bestowed you with.  

Your child chose you, to be born to. Make the reason count.